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DON'T FEED THE BEARS

by Elihu Savad

As a youthful driver I felt blissfully secure
That I'd never cause an accident or be in one for sure,
And since I always wore my belts, and never would be hurt
That I'd earn the lowest auto rates, I'd never lose my shirt;
And I wouldn't get a ticket 'cause I wasn't one who dares.
I would save a lot of money 'cause I wouldn't feed the bears.

I didn't have an Escort for the cost did not make sense;
'Twixt a ticket and an Escort the difference was immense.
I could pay for lots of tickets for what that box would cost,
So I took a chance with radar, and no sleep was ever lost.
Oh, how simple life could be! Unknown then were the cares
O'er the princely price of dinner when it's time to feed the bears.

It seemed there were these other folks as luck would have them be,
That couldn't think behind the wheel nor hear nor look nor see,
Whose driving kept insurance companies busy, day and night,
And the accidents they caused made premiums climb right out of sight.
And they clogged the courts with tales of woe, there wasn't room to sneeze!
And Smokey, he kept busy peeling people off of trees.

To help contain the premiums and keep us out of court,
The instituted "no-fault" so to sue you'd not resort.
Well, it did look good on paper but then things got clean away;
When you have your cake and eat it you must pay the freight each way.
There weren't just the bears to fear or how you would make bail;
Insurance took the biggest bite, the shock was in the mail.

To add insult to injury and help contain the cost,
This group of brilliant legal minds assessed on points; they forced
The drivers who get tickets to pay an extra fee,
'Cause they caused the painful accidents that injured you and me
And kept insurance premiums up, or so they thought…who cares?
It just put some extra molars in the bite you got from bears.

So if you get a ticket now for doing forty-two
On your local four-lane highway that'll be four points to you,
When the limit's twenty-five; while the clod who runs a stop
And slams into you broadside will still come out on top
'Cause the law says he gets two. Well, this isn't very fair,
For you and I must pay for him when bitten by the bear.

I do not feel as confident as I did years ago.
I have a car that's quick in turns, it just won't do them slow.
I worry more, 'bout bears and such 'cause tickets don't come cheap;
It seems I wasn't stopped so much when tickets weren't so steep.
For drivers who are worse than us we help to foot the bill.
But going after easy points, the bears can take their fill.

I'm looking harder when I drive for fools and nuts and drunks,
Who hardly ever use their brakes and park in peoples' trunks.
I'll try to help the boy's in blue to serve the greater need;
No need for me to take their time in traps that measure speed.
That little box of anarchy now down the highway stares;
My electronic conscience says, "Beep-beep! Don't feed the bears!"

Last Modified April 9, 2000